Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Ask Fatass Pigeon on the Drag: Ask me something, b****es!!! I've been around the ...
Ask Fatass Pigeon on the Drag: Ask me something, b****es!!! I've been around the ...: Hello, Internet "people." I'm Fatass Pigeon on the Drag. I'm actually in drag, therefore my. name is appropriate. I am a ...
Ask me something, b****es!!! I've been around the same block a million times!
Hello, Internet "people." I'm Fatass Pigeon on the Drag. I'm actually in drag, therefore my. name is appropriate. I am a cartoon bird, therefore I don't have to tuck to pull off my look, but I tuck anyway because I like it. The tuck is a proud tradition. If you have questions of a sexual or...uggh, relationship-related nature, shoot em over here and I'll give you the most sarcastic of real-ass answers. I must make it clear that I am not a gay pigeon doctor so I will be giving NO medical advice of any kind (except that anal is for experts only). I'll start with a question from an anonymous friend, and end with excellent advice for everyone. Hope you either enjoy, or are deeply offended (or preferably both) Holla!!!!!!!
Q: Dear Fatass Pigeon on the Drag, I love your work! What's the best way to give/receive a discreet handy J while working an office job? Sincerely, Jon Ho'.
A: Hey, Ho'...I must say, go grrrl/goy... way to get it on in the workplace. If I hadn't ever done the same I'd have died of boredom years ago. I'd rather die of cartoon bird flu. Whether you are giving or receiving said handy-j I would recommend a large wooden or otherwise opaque desk with plenty of sub-surface knee room (enough for a full size person to hide under assuming you're human and not a cartoon pigeon, duh) in conjunction with a snuggie in the color or pattern of your choice. The snuggie will raise questions from your superiors, so arrive as early as possible and turn the thermostat as cold as you can get it so you have an excuse for wearing it. After that, just remember that whichever side of the handy you're on, giving or receiving, maintain maximum stillness and silence, and never let your telephone voice game waver (always stick to the script). Also, a few packets of ratchet fast food mayonnaise or a tub of country crock are always good to have around. As long as you have a good relationship with either your dry cleaner or your mama whose washer and dryer you use on the regular, you should be okay.
Good Luck! Feel free to ask me anything. I'm Fatass Pigeon on the Drag and I'm bored as f***, so yeah, bring them questions stupid humans. I'd say be fabulous, but you'll never be as fabulous as I am. Deal.
Kisses from my beak.
Q: Dear Fatass Pigeon on the Drag, I love your work! What's the best way to give/receive a discreet handy J while working an office job? Sincerely, Jon Ho'.
A: Hey, Ho'...I must say, go grrrl/goy... way to get it on in the workplace. If I hadn't ever done the same I'd have died of boredom years ago. I'd rather die of cartoon bird flu. Whether you are giving or receiving said handy-j I would recommend a large wooden or otherwise opaque desk with plenty of sub-surface knee room (enough for a full size person to hide under assuming you're human and not a cartoon pigeon, duh) in conjunction with a snuggie in the color or pattern of your choice. The snuggie will raise questions from your superiors, so arrive as early as possible and turn the thermostat as cold as you can get it so you have an excuse for wearing it. After that, just remember that whichever side of the handy you're on, giving or receiving, maintain maximum stillness and silence, and never let your telephone voice game waver (always stick to the script). Also, a few packets of ratchet fast food mayonnaise or a tub of country crock are always good to have around. As long as you have a good relationship with either your dry cleaner or your mama whose washer and dryer you use on the regular, you should be okay.
Good Luck! Feel free to ask me anything. I'm Fatass Pigeon on the Drag and I'm bored as f***, so yeah, bring them questions stupid humans. I'd say be fabulous, but you'll never be as fabulous as I am. Deal.
Kisses from my beak.
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